Updated: May 23
Problems and concerns that come up in the beginning of your relationship are very important to address early on. If not, these things become serious sore spots that will blister, causing bigger issues in the future and weakening the relationship as a result. The number one way to prevent issues from getting bigger over time is talking about the problems. Discuss the issues, and have the goal in mind of solving this problem together. This isn’t you against your partner, this isn’t you trying to only get your needs met. This is the two of you working together to come to a resolution in order to strengthen the partnership.
Differences in communication styles, one partner doesn’t like to talk about what is on their mind, while the other partner does. Initially, the more vocal partner will try and keep silent, or not bring up concerns to try and appease the other. This results in the vocal partner not getting their emotional needs met. When emotional needs are not met, this leads to many other things like lashing out, lying, even looking outside of the relationship to get those needs met.
Sharing of Responsibilities-
Chores around the home, it starts small, one partner is less tidy than the other, leaving clothes around, dishes out. Because the relationship is in the early stages, you don’t want to rock the boat, you stay silent about it and do a little extra work. You’re cleaning up your partner’s laundry, you are doing the dishes all the time, because if you don’t, it never gets done. But now you have fallen into a pattern, if you are always picking up the slack there is no motivation or need for your partner to pitch in. The way to fix this is communicating about it from the beginning. “Hey hun, I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed with the household chores, what do you think about switching on and off for laundry duty?” Don’t assume your partner knows what you need. Oftentimes they don’t! it is up to us to communicate our needs in order to have healthy, fulfilling relationships.
certain behaviors that we might have seen or learned in childhood, or simply not learning better ways of expressing ourselves, oftentimes can carry into our relationships and cause great damage over time. One of these things is unhealthy ways of interacting when arguing. Yelling, name calling, blaming, brining up the past, stonewalling (refusing to talk to your partner) all are extremely detrimental to the intimacy and bond we have with our significant other. The important thing to remember here is that these ways of interacting have become a habit. Often we yell, or name call because it’s our only “weapon” that we can think to use. But if we shift our mentality from “you are my enemy, I have to win” to “we are a team, how do we get the team to win” it can be helpful. Overtime being called names and yelled at causes resentment and damage that is often not seen until the partner is asking for a divorce or has cheated.